Almost There

I’m closing in on my junior year of college and I don’t know what emotion I’m feeling. I could say I’m agitated because I won’t qualify for early graduation in December but I could also say I’m grateful to know I’ll finish at least a month early. I could say I’m sad that I only have one more year to spend with my friends or I could say I’m going to cherish my last year with them because they are simply amazing. I could say that I’m scared because after 15 years of schooling, I’m still not sure about my future plans or I could not think about that and just be proud that I made it to a point that some people can only dream about. I can’t really land on a word to describe what I’m going through right now but one thing I know I’m not feeling is regret. I remember back in high school I would watch everyone fill out applications to colleges after school. I didn’t. I would listen to my friends and their conversations about where they really wanted to go. Not me. I was indifferent to the entire ordeal of “college” at the time. I just keep thinking about where I would be if I had rested on the fact that it was all a waste of time. Would I be in the Navy like the recruiters so desperately wanted me to be? Would I be in the Air Force like my aunts and uncles wished? Would I be stuck in my hometown just working a regular 9-5?  I could have saved myself from student loans that’s for sure. But it’s really crazy that I almost didn’t have any of this. I almost missed out on it all and I know I would have regretted that because being in college has been like holding a golden ticket. No it hasn’t been all good. I’ll admit that many nights I cried on my bunk bed. Lots of nights I went to sleep hungry. I’ve had issues with my health that made me feel so weak and dirty that I was ready to throw in the towel. But I’ve also had my good days. I’ve met famous acts and I’ve listened to the most powerful seminars. I’ve learned how to become more invested in myself. I’ve become mature in ways that I wouldn’t have expected. I’ve learned how to reap knowledge from my mistakes. I’m better for ALL OF THIS. And as I reach the end of this road, I’m thankful that God let me choose it in the first place.

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