Why must he have such a hold over me? I look in the mirror, shaking my head at the woman I have settled to be for him. I don’t understand it. I don’t know if I love him or not. I’ve never felt like this. I don’t even know what to feel. Do I love him? How could I when he loves someone else? I know I’m in way over my head and people criticize silently about what they could never understand. I don’t care. I do care. I can’t stop. I try. Lord knows. I must love him then. But how? He should be nothing to me but he is everything. And maybe he notices and maybe he doesn’t. Regardless he keeps my love at bay. So do I stay or come off the dock?

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