Thoughts from a dorm room

My life feels like a cheesy, cliché movie but the type where every genre is depicted so therefore it sucks because it’s way too much going and you can’t follow the storyline. Lately I’ve been doing nothing  in the physical sense, I just exist in the mist of my own mental chaos. However, while I’m growing numb on the outside, there are plenty things that I feel. So here it is.

1). I feel like I’m invisible

I don’t own an invisibility cloak but I might as well because people don’t see me even when I think they do. It bothers me because I really have tried to put myself out there. But like I said, I don’t feel memorable. People have to ask me “What’s your name again?” and it’s a downer. I have to tell stories and get cut off. I have to listen to people retell events and forget that I was there. I have to repeat myself because nobody cares about what I said. It’s like “what’s so special about me” you know ? And if they don’t notice me, they don’t listen, they don’t care, sometimes I feel like it’d be better if I just went away.

2). I feel insecure

I look at other people and everyone seems so sure of themselves. They can showcase their talent with no problem. They can walk with confidence. They love themselves. I don’t feel like that. I haven’t for a while. I hear things and assume I’m the topic of conversation. I walk and I feel like I do it wrong. I love and I feel like I do it wrong. I feel out of place every time I step in a room.  I feel I can never have a good day all the way through. So I shelter up and I stay away from everything.

3). I feel people are phony

I think this speaks for itself. That’s why I stick with the crew I’m use to. People don’t support unity/ clique clashing anyway.

4). I feel like double standards will forever haunt us 

Sometimes I get sick and tired of being a woman. Men get to do whatever they want. Say whatever they want. Think whatever they want. EVERYWHERE. But there’s an uproar if I step out of the gender line? Seriously? So I’m just supposed to forgive yet be forgiven for nothing? Not be stuck up but not be friendly? Not have sex but not be a virgin? Have an opinion but can’t say the wrong thing? Take a man’s baggage while he doesn’t accept mine? Ok.

Image result for rihanna disgusted face

 

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